no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
