I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
