I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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