Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
