i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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