I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
