Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
