It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
