My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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