I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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