Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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