these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She needs sedatives and a leash
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize