Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
