Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize