I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
