she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
