I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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