Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
