As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize