Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
