i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
