i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
