She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
