escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
