I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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