i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
