Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
