Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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