tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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