It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
