1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
