it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
