Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
