i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
