Duck Duck Cougar?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
