So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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