I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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