Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
