You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize