a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
