Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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