sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
