They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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