he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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