My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just pee around me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
