i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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