I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
