Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
