Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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