I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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