Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
