Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
