By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
