Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
