If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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