y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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