Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
