OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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