haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
