your parents love me but you hate me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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