Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
