i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
