He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
