i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
