so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
