everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
