I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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