evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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