hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
